I think I could easily have a book-length novel called “You Know” … but then I realized that if people actually KNEW to do these things, the book wouldn’t be necessary. Wait, now I’m confusing myself. Maybe it should be called “You SHOULD Know”. At any rate it would be something along these lines …
You know – you’re not supposed to use a cell phone in your car in California without a hands-free device, or text while driving – and yet so many of you out there do it anyway. Am I the only one making an effort to obey the law and keep my eyes on the road?
You know – it really looks tacky going out in public in your pajama pants and slippers, or wearing bare midriff outfits when your gut hangs over your waistband, and yet you do it anyway. Whatever happened to common decency? Pride? Occasionally looking in a mirror?
You know – that P.T. Barnum’s saying about a sucker born every minute is generally true. And most people out there trying to scam you are counting on that. This includes people who want to lend you money. I honestly don’t think we’d be in nearly as dire of an economic crisis if people made half an effort to educate themselves instead of being as dumb as sheep and just assuming they can trust everyone. Why? Why do you trust people? Because they told you so? Because they’re “good Christians”? Learn your limits, your budget, your income, and how to read the fine print. Someone will always make an effort to outsmart you and find a way to rip you off. Sure as the sun rises everyday. I’m not saying people are bad – I’m just saying that’s how a lot of people make a living.
You know – that most of the stuff out there to eat that tastes really, really good (especially from restaurants) is loaded with fat and calories and is in the process of making your arteries slam shut while you ingest it. Don’t blame the restaurant or the media or the grocery store for the fact that you’re a beached whale. Turn off the TV and get off your ass and go walk around the block. If you’re winded after that, it means you need to do it again. Similar to mortgage lenders and various other scammers, the food industry is counting on you being a sucker. The food tastes good, of course you will buy more and eat more. They are trying to make a buck and line their pockets the same as everyone else so they will figure out how to make stuff taste delicious. Duh. Now put down the fork and get moving. Yes, I know I need to do the same thing. Hence the reason I’m posting this.
You know – that in general, tattoos don’t make you more attractive. In fact, they rarely do. One rare exception (in my humble opinion) who gets away with it is Dave Navarro, although he’d still look better without them. But he can pull it off due to cool facial hair. If you are an unattractive man or woman, a tattoo isn’t going to make you suddenly appealing. Nor is pink hair or a pierced nose or a safety pin through your eyebrow or wearing your pants halfway down your ass. Instead of wasting your money on sticking ink under your skin, consider a diet, new clothes, a new hairdo, a makeover, dental work, or maybe just smiling on occasion. I saw a photo awhile back of one of the wastes of oxygen off of “The Hills” with her sister, hanging out at some hotel pool. Audrina Patridge, that was it. She doesn’t do much for me but I will acknowledge that she can be cute when she doesn’t have that vacuous staring-off-into-space facial expression (which is, alas, most of the time). Her sister looks a lot like her. But is covered with tattoos. Take a guess who looks cuter at the pool? What a shame, the sister would easily be just as cute if not moreso were it not for all the body ink. Uck. Such a distraction from all that lovely skin. Same with David Beckham. Wasn’t he sexier without all the tats? (And more hair, my personal bias). Yeah, he still has a great body. But the ink just distracts from the appeal. It’s like looking at a nice painting that somebody spray-painted over.
You know – that having unprotected sex often leads to pregnancy. And teenagers have sex pretty frequency. Stop being stupid and teach your kids about contraception. And as adults, stop jerking around with your body or with the future of other people. My ex’s girlfriend got pregnant and now he’s saddled with another child support payment for a child I suspect he didn’t really want. I don’t know the specifics but I’m sure it was some situation where she was taking care of the contraception and he trusted her and ooops, something failed and she’s pregnant. Bullshit. She wanted another kid and used him as a sperm donor. Why do people pull this shit with each other? With the lives of children? Why do teens think that having a baby with a boyfriend will “bring them closer together”? Reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Having a baby is like having a 24/7 puppy that constantly demands attention and that you can’t put out in the garage when it gets on your nerves or take back to the pet store or shelter – it’s YOURS. It’s part of you. And you know it and know that it is wrong to try and escape responsibility for it. Or at least you should. Those new parents that try to throw a baby into a trash bin should be hauled off and shot – you had 9 months to figure out you didn’t want a baby, give it up for adoption to someone who will care for it! Or have an abortion if you know you are an unfit and incapable parent. Why are people so damn stupid, cruel, and selfish? I’m not arguing for or against abortion or the right to life aspect here, so don’t start on me. However, if ever right-to-life protester out there went to an abortion clinic and volunteered to every pregnant female who walked through the doors to adopt and care for and raise their unwanted child and signed a contractual obligation to do so – I’d have a lot more respect for the movement. As it is, it comes off to me as a bunch of religious fanatics, usually men, trying to tell women what to do with their bodies. That doesn’t work for me. You try carrying a child in your womb for 9 months and then figuring out how to handle it. It ain’t that easy. If every child brought into this world were wanted and loved by both parents before he or she was born – think how much more peaceful the world would be!